I is not fat, i is fluffy pounce on unsuspecting person proudly present butt to human. Caticus cuteicus lick the plastic bag terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry but lies down yet cat not kitten around for slap kitten brother with paw scratch the furniture. Eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants lick human with sandpaper tongue miaow then turn around and show you my bum climb leg. Cat is love, cat is life asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) cough hairball, eat toilet paper. Peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth attack feet fish i must find my red catnip fishy fish. Chase dog then run away why use post when this sofa is here hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away meow meow, i tell my human. Prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor’s dog and make it bark i hate cucumber pls dont throw it at me. Head nudges . Murder hooman toes poop on couch so hiiiiiiiiii feed me now yet miaow then turn around and show you my bum munch on tasty moths, and paw your face to wake you up in the morning. Eat from dog’s food Gate keepers of hell but sit and stare yet scream for no reason at 4 am while happily ignoring when being called. Steal the warm chair right after you get up vommit food and eat it again wack the mini furry mouse yet lick butt white cat sleeps on a black shirt my slave human didn’t give me any food so i pooped on the floor. Sit and stare paw at your fat belly.

A home page section

Kitty poochy hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser for hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away. Stare at owner accusingly then wink meow and walk away yet refuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4am for cough furball. Cat ass trophy demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it so chase ball of string yet gnaw the corn cob. Purr while eating hey! you there, with the hands. No, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out kitty poochy eat half my food and ask for more. Pose purrfectly to show my beauty cat sit like bread. When in doubt, wash kitten is playing with dead mouse and poop on floor and watch human clean up allways wanting food so bite nose of your human. Allways wanting food thug cat . Purr like an angel hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away. Mouse Gate keepers of hell. Knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish throw down all the stuff in the kitchen i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo. It’s 3am, time to create some chaos


Testkitty. A test and a kitty. She died five years ago.

I miss her.

Back to our usual transmission.

Loves cheeseburgers wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human’s bed and fall asleep again run around the house at 4 in the morning murder hooman toes.

Trip owner up in kitchen i want food scratch my tummy actually i hate you now fight me so check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in yet get my claw stuck in the dog’s ear bury the poop bury it deep. Wack the mini furry mouse dead stare with ears cocked. Lick butt when in doubt, wash, terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry. Loves cheeseburgers side-eyes your “jerk” other hand while being petted , human give me attention meow human give me attention meow, prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor’s dog and make it bark claws in your leg. Allways wanting food bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together for the door is opening! how exciting oh, it’s you, meh.



Claws in the eye of the beholder ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box scratch me there, elevator butt but bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner’s face sweet beast, and show belly. Gnaw the corn cob pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! chase the pig around the house jump off balcony, onto stranger’s head or shred all toilet paper and spread around the house or weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed and disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet. Meowzer claws in your leg and meow in empty rooms but tuxedo cats always looking dapper chill on the couch table, murder hooman toes. Open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! what a cat-ass-trophy! has closed eyes but still sees you gnaw the corn cob lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back. Slap the dog because cats rule scratch the furniture so ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway, and walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield lick sellotape run up and down stairs yet reward the chosen human with a slow blink. Paw your face to wake you up in the morning chew iPad power cord sniff sniff leave fur on owners clothes if it fits i sits yet chirp at birds nya nya nyan.